I made these two pieces back in July. I don’t remember the stimulus (because it probably wasn’t important) but at the time I found myself feeling overwhelmed and stressed and my mind was engulfed in the darker realms for two weeks. It seemed like everything I tried to work on, even my existing projects and artwork, would give me resistance. I’ve learned from experience that when I try to force art, I end up destroying it, so I told myself ‘Fine, I’m not going to work on anything’ as if I was punishing myself.
During this time, I wasn’t able to come up with any good ideas either. The only thing my mind could visualize was my own feelings. I kept seeing two images, one was a heart being stabbed and one was a drawing I did when I was teenager of an anatomical hand with a slashed wrist. I didn’t want to pursue these visions because I thought ‘Does the world really need another drawing of a slashed wrist or stabbed heart?’ So again, I resisted, and the visions and negative feelings persisted.
A little voice from within kept telling me to draw them out anyway. I didn’t have to show it to anyone, and maybe it would help release something. So I opened my little sketchbook to a random page and started drawing a heart and a hand. As soon as I drew it out, I got the idea to arrange the daggers into the shape of a Star.
This little piece of the puzzle really excited me and my mood completely changed. My mind was free again! The symbol of the heart and daggers went from being about pain to a feeling of wholeness. I called the drawing ‘Heart Therapy’ because that’s what it was for me. Loving my drawing made me feel love for myself, and that was the only thing I was missing during those two weeks.
From my new perspective, I started thinking about the second vision, of the slashed anatomical hand. I remembered how I have read from various sources (Reiki, Dr. Jose Silva, etc.) that the universal healing energy is strongest at the fingertips. I looked at the nerves of the hand, how they are connected through out the body, from the mind down to the fingertips. I made the connection between my thoughts and feelings and the actions that I take. So I changed the slashed wrist to symbolize something else that I’m passionate about that I have taken action on…cleaning up my local water sources. I called the drawing ‘Action.’
With these two pieces, I realized that my seemingly negative visions are a portal to a more positive state of being. Instead of resisting drawing them down, I followed my intuition and it lead me down a different road than I thought I was going.
The reason I’m sharing this is I have seen many artists recently opening up about depression. Maybe it will help someone somewhere get themselves out of depression.